La Tregua

A mí me cuesta ser cariñoso, inclusive en la vida amorosa. Siempre doy menos de lo que tengo. Mi estilo de querer es ése, un poco reticente, reservando, el máximo sólo para las grandes ocasiones. De modo que si siempre estuviera expresando el máximo ¿qué dejaría para esos momentos (siempre hay cuatro o cinco en cada vida, en cada individuo) en que uno debe apelar el corazón en pleno? También siento un leve resquemor frente a lo cursi, y a mí lo cursi me parece justamente eso: andar siempre con el corazón en la mano.

━ La Tregua. Mario Benedetti.

An atheist on a date.

In life we do things. Some we wish we had never done. some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. but they all make us who we are, and in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them we wouldn't be the person we are. So just live, make mistakes, have wonderful memories, but never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly where it is you're going.

just because I'm annoyed,

1.Who’s the last person you talked to about sex? 
who don't I talk to about sex?
2.Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? 
nope, never
3.Are you stubborn? 
very
4.If you took a drug test right now, would you pass? 
yep, 100% clean baby
5.Who was the last person to be on a bed with you? 
My newest dog- stuff animal who doesn't have a name yet.
6.Do you tend to hold a grudge? 
maybe, it depends
7.Who is the last person that pissed you off? 
this guy who just won't call me and he said he will. GOSH
8.Whats something that bothers you about girls? 
I don't think it's a gender thing.
9.What’s a fact about the last person that texted you? 
I don't remember who that was
10.Who sits in behind you in your math class? 
I don't have math anymore
11.Where is the biggest scar on your body? 
my surgery.
12.Have you ever been told you were amazing? 
nope.
13.Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? 
depends on what kind of drugs he was into, and how bad it was.
14.When was the last time you fought with your parents? 
I don't remember
15.What was the last alcoholic beverage you drank? 
I drank beer for the first time this sat.
16.What would your last name be if you married the last person you texted?
Again, don't remember who that was.
17.Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
naaah, w/e.
18.Who was the last person to play with your hair? 
Tomas
19.Do you get along with girls? 
yep, I do
20.Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? 
I think it was my mom, so yeah
21.Who was the last person you kissed on the cheek? 
Tomas
22.Who are your last 4 txts from?
don't know where's my phone
23.Who was the last girl you talked to? 
in person, Tati. On the phone, Sindy
24.Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? 
I know a lot of people who do
25.Would you ever get plastic surgery? 
depends on the reason
26.Do you speak any other languages other than English? 
spanish is my first language
27.What was the last lie you told your mother?
I don't remember
28.Have you ever had to call the cops on someone?
nope
29.What was the last compliment you received? 
He said he liked my hair better now that is short
30.Have you talked to a bitch today? 
not really
31.Are your parentsdivorced? 
nope, they're together, but sometimes, I confess, I wish they were
32.Have you had sex today? 
never, baby
33.Do you judge​ people you don’​t know?​ 
who doesn't?
34.Are you a bad influ​ence?​ 
maybe
35.Is there anyone that’s in love with you right now? 
I would love it if that was the case, but no.
36.Would you ever live with any of your best friends? 
yeah, I am sort of going to in the next moth.
37.How many people in your life have you kissed?
sort of kissed two guys, one was one of my closest friends and the other guy was my crush since I was 12.
38.Are you photogenic? 
sometimes
39.Does anyone know a really deep and dark secret about you?
I don't know
40.Do you use birth control pills? 
nope, I'm not sexually active, sorry
41.When was the last time you went to a funeral? 
my grandma's like 3 or 4 years ago
42.Has one of your boyfriends best friends ever tried to get with you? 
no boyfriend
43.What do you receive the most compliments on? 
looks I guess?
44.Do you currently owe anyone money? 
nope
45.Would you ever marry anyone for their money? 
nope
46.Do you usually have a lot of drama in your life?
no, my life is pretty boring
47.Who do you think is the most attractive actor? 
Josh Durhamel or however you spell that
48.How old is the last person you kissed on the lips?
Tomas
49.Have you ever walked away from someone who was yelling at you? 
yep
50.Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? 
nope, not at all, I'm annoyed cause he hasn't called me yet ¬¬
51.What’s one thing you don’t like about yourself? 
how much of an insecure fuck I am
52.Have you told anyone that you missed them lately? 
nope, should I?

"You build your world around someone, and then what happens when he disappears? Where do you go – into pieces, into atoms, into the arms of another man? You go shopping, you cook dinner, you work odd hours, you make love to someone else on June nights. But you’re not really there, you’re someplace else where there is blue sky and a road you don’t recognize. If you squint your eyes, you think you see him, in the shadows, beyond the trees. You always imagine that you see him, but he’s never there. It’s only his spirit, that’s what’s there beneath the bed when you kiss your husband, there when you send your daughter off to school. It’s in your coffee cup, your bathwater, your tears. Unfinished business always comes back to haunt you, and a man who swears he’ll love you forever isn’t finished with you until he’s done." -Alice Hoffman

"That was the thing about words, they were clear and specific-chair, eye, stone- but when you talked about feelings, words were too stiff, they were this and not that, they couldn’t include all the meanings. In defining, they always left something out." -Janet Fitch

"I had often dreamed of my first proper kiss, though the dreams had not contained a particular man, just a vague idea of one. The kiss itself, I knew all about. It would be tender and sweet and exciting all at once. It would make my knees go weak, and at the same time it would make me feel safe, and loved, and beautiful."

445. another survey, yay!

officialy, I'm bored (:

1. no ex.

2. I've never been actually drunk.

3. hum, I really want to kiss someone

4. he just got inked

5. currently, awkward

6. "yeah sure, me too"

7. a friend of mine getting really hurt on arcade games

8. the only concert worth telling about, that I've been to is Korn

9. don't have one yet

10. my confy confy pjs (:

11. currently, Hero by Regina Spektor

12. he was in one of my classes in college, but I supposedly met him before, he was in my brother's grade and his sister was a friend of mine.

13. going to Xela and meeting Alex

14. getting high on a hotel room with a few friends, then going out

15. none

16. badass attitude, tattoos, skin

17. a few awkward silences with a friend of mine

18. not really a quote I llive by, but it's one that came to mind: "do what you love and fuck the rest"

19. I met her because she wanted to hookup with a friend of mine, and the first time I spoke to her she asked me for my phone number and email, then called me on monday. weirdddd

20. I don't care.

21. yawn

22. you can google them (:

23. not really

24. I don't think you should lie to someone, if you don't want to be in a exclusive relationship, you should tell them.

25. it's on my phone

26. on twitter: 203

27. yawn, I'm watching the simpsons and I'm too lazzy to open iTunes

28. don't have any tumblr friends

29. I have a print screen of the cutest thing someone's ever written on my wall

30. being robbed.

 

s u r v e y

this has become my survey blog or something... 

1. Do you have a ‘thing’ with someone?

nope.
2. Do you have any hickeys/bruises on your body?

I have a bruise on my stomach and a few on my legs, don't remember how I got them tho.
3. Have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed?

doesn't that happens all the time?
4. Who was the last person you spoke to last night before bed?

Sindy, we're so gay.
5. Do you believe what goes around comes around?

not by some magical god-like power, but because I believe in consequences.
6. Where is your mother right now?

downstairs,
7. Have you been to any concerts this summer?

only local shows.
8. Have you ever been to a concert?

yes, last one was Korn.
9. How many schools have you been to?

only one through kindergarden, elementary, middle and high school was the same, and now college.
10. What do your socks look like?

black
11. Have you ever read a Harry Potter book?

all seven of them
12. Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

not really
13. Have you ever left your country?

yes, a few times
14. Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with L?

nope.
15. How many times have you cried in a person’s arms?

not that many
16. Do you enjoy wearing dresses?

yeah, depends on my mood, but yeah
17. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?

sleeping
18. Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

no idea
19. Have you broken the law in the last three days?

just did, baby
20. What are you excited about?

NY trip, NY trip!!!!
21. Have your friends ever randomly stopped by your house?

saddly, not that many times
22. Is anyone ignoring you right now?

Idk.
23. What if you had a baby with the last person you texted?

no thanks
24. Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

nope
25. When was the last time you threw up?

hum, can't remember
26. Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?

yeah, it's the same I graduated from
27. How was the beginning of this year for you?

I was a bit happier and excited about many things
28. How do you think the year will end for you?

hopefully, better (:

another survey, 'cause it's my blog...

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? 

I can only think of the last time he said "I love you" and I don't think he did, at all. Even tho his friends continue to say he did.
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

I'm 21, that would be a bit messed up.
3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

ugh, I think it was about the same time he was on my life. weird feeling.
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

If he's cute, yeah, I guess, but usually I'm very awkward and insecure when it comes to strangers.
5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I'm not dating/talking to anyone, so hopefully not.
6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

honestly, no
7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

pjs.
8. How often do you listen to music?

everyday, mainly while I'm driving.
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans, maybe.
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2012?

I hope so, New York trip is comming up, and I hope I do stuff I've never done before.
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

a bit of both.
12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

nope. On retrospective, I'd like to say I had kissed Alex.
13. What about ‘R’?

nope.
14. Can you drive a stick shift?

the only way I know how to drive.
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

I'd like to say I don't but I honestly do, not that it makes a big difference but it is annoying

16. Are you going out of town soon?

yup, going to new york on 12/20
17. When was the last time you cried?

saturday
18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

I guess so, romantically only once.
19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

probably make them blue
20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

not right now
21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

it's going a bit slow
22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

aw, yep I love them. (again, last person to do that = him)
23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

nope, not dating anyone atm
24. What are you sitting on right now?

my bed.
25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Diego, my closesth male friend does
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

doesn't that happens to everyone?
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

Sindy
28. Do you get a lot of colds?

nope, I'm healthy as can be
29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

Bershka I think
30. Does anyone hate you?

I guess so, I'm only human
31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

no... why would I?
32. Do you like watching scary movies?

nope, hate them. If you make me watch one, I'll make you sleep with me.
33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

nope. don't find tongue piercings attractive.
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

hum, probably when I was 9 or 11
35. Did you have a dream last night?

I guess so, don't remember it tho.
36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

ugh, last night maybe?
37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

hopefully not, I'm too young.
38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

don't think so.
39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

hopefully.
40. Did you have a good day yesterday? 

it was ok.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

nope.
42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

I guess, maybe Sindy.
43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

yes, in a friendly way
44. What’s the best part about school?

hum, my friends?
45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

yup, feel free to check them out.
46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

yep, to Andrea mainly
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

over and over. Like to torture myself, seems I'm pretty good at that too.
48. Were you single over the last summer?

I was single, yet interested in someone.
49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

somewhat
50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

sleeping, maybe
51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

nope, he's my best mate.
52. Are you nice to everyone?

not really.
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

oh hell yeah, probably liked him better than anyone else I ever did.
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I don't see myself as the cheating type.
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

pretty great, not to brag.
56. Do you think you like someone?

liking is such a strong word.
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

close, but no.
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

I have more friends that are girls, but boys are cooler.
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

lots of them, I'm a mess.
60. Do you hate anyone?

nope.
61. How’s your heart?

it's okay, finally.
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

usually my dad related stuff turns pretty awkward when telling them.
63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

shamefully, yes.
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

people? I hope no one, I'm not nearly that interesting to be talking about.
65. Are your toenails painted pink?

hot pink to be exact
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

hopefully not.
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

nooo, that's just mean
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

no, lol
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

sindy, a few minutes ago
70. How do you look right now?

like shit (:
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

my friends usually
72. Can you commit to one person?

I'd like to think so.
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Diego is pretty close to be that person.
74. Have you ever felt replaced?

yeah, not a good feeling tho.
75. Did you wake up cranky?

if you wake me up, yeah. If I wake up by myself it's less likely for me to be cranky.
76. Are you a jealous person?

maybe, but I won't be showing you I am
77. Are relationships ever worth it?

yeah, they are.
78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

maybe I already have.
79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

I just want to randomly bump into him, don't know why
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

wake up?
81. Last person you cried in front of?

my grandma
82. Is there someone you will never forget?

I don't believe in regreting or hating someone just because you don't love them anymore or they don't love you.
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

I don't have feelings for anyone tbh.
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

making out hopefully lol
85. Are you over your past?

don't know what the point of doing would be.
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

yes.
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

I guess Sindy is the closest person to that
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

nope, haven't spoke to him in over 6 years now.
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

yeah, would be a pretty long flight just to be here.
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

they didn't hate him, just didn't aprove him to be with me
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

don't think so
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

no, but one of my closest friends goes by "Mike", his real name is Andres
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

nope, don't even know a Matthew
94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

I was hoping so, we don't speak anymore
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

I don't even remember if I still liked him by march, but no I wasn't happy.
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

last person to text me was facebook, and that's a pretty hunky it if you ask me.
97. Who do you have texts from?

lots of people.
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I don't like anyone.
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

he was my age.
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

my couch.
101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

no, but it would be nice to do so.
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? 

sort of, I felt like my heart dropped to the floor every time I saw him. In a good way.

 

well hello there, this is me (: