Paris, Je t'aime

Thomas Listen. Listen. There are times when life calls out for a change. A transition. Like the seasons. Our spring was wonderful, but summer is over now and we missed out on autumn. And now all of a sudden, it's cold, so cold that everything is freezing over. Our love fell asleep, and the snow took it by surprise. But if you fall asleep in the snow, you don't feel death coming. Take care.

-Francine

Thomas

And you were accepted, of course. You moved from Boston to Paris into a little apartment on the rue du Faubourg-Saint-Denis. I shoed you our neighborhood, my bars, my school. I introduced you to my friends, my parents. I listened to your texts, your singing, your hopes, your desires, your music. You listened to mine. My Italian, my German, a bit of Russian. I gave you a walkman. You gave me a pillow. And one day, you kissed me. Time went by, time flew and everything seemed so easy, so simple, so free, so new, so unique. We went to the movies, we went dancing, we went shopping, we laughed, you cried, we swam, we smoked, we shaved, sometimes for no reason, or for a reason. Yes, sometimes for a reason. I brought you to the academy, I studied for my exams, I listened to your singing, to your hopes, your desires, your music. You listened to mine. We were close, so close, ever so close. We went to the movies, we swam, we laughed. You screamed, sometimes for a reason and sometimes without. Time went by, time flew. I brought you to the academy, I studied for my exams. You listened to my Italian, German, Russian, French. I studied for my exams. You screamed, sometimes for a reason. Time went by for no reason. You screamed for no reason. I studied for my exams, my exams, my exams. Time went by, you screamed, you screamed, you screamed. I went to the movies. 

-Paris Je t'aime

I wish I was a suicide girl

This is a FAQ with the exception that I'd be answering only one question.

I know I don't need to explain myself to you, but I don't mind doing it so.

Q. Why haven't you ever kissed anyone?

Well, I believe things have as much power as you are willing to give them.

and I somehow have givien it too much importance to this matter,

I would have to tell you mostly everything about me for you to understand why, but since I don't have the time nor the space I will explain myself with only the relevant things.

I have always believed that my biggest fear is vulnerability, you know being in a place where someone can actually hurt you whenever they want you, I feel like I shouldn't let anyone have the power to hurt me when they desire to.

But now I believe rejection takes a bigger place in my fears, I believe I don't let anyone know how I feel about them, not even that I like them, just so they won't have any reason to reject me.

Well, I have only given love a chance once, and it all turned out to be very messed up and stuff, so I guess I kind of close myself to the possibility, to not get hurt.

Conclussion: FEAR.

 

If I ever feel like I can open myself to someone, I believe it's going to be with someone who is there for me, I mean to first be my friend and all that ghey stuff. (:

and I'll post all about it, well maybe not all, but yeah. 

Speedometer goes up to 180

My wound cut open again,
and your skin it burned against mine
It left an invisble mark that aches with the rhhytm of my heart,
Unevenly and quiet,
it matches to the beat of the voodoo drum,
it slams against my skin,
if it is mine at all.

The power rangers won't fight it

Letter on windows,
imprints of words on the floor
hollers hurt my ears
stains of blood take over words

The matress stained,
kids tagged for life
keep it quiet,
the neighbored will hear
did you know?
they are not as perfect when the courtains close.

Playing video games to pass me by.

Ignorance is bliss,
they said
But you just don't know what imagination does to you

Bail me out,
forget about me,
set me free
So I can pretend to forget you,
I can crumble to pieces
and be blown by the wind.

 

Vowels and capital letters.

Eyes set on fire
Piles of sheets thrown on the florr
Soul raped right down to the core,
I am nothing but words mixed in a dance for eternity
And I hate your hair today

The shoe laces are tied,
a mix, a mash
and the tape keeps playing the same song,
different rhythm, different rhymes
Your style, it does things to me,
I guess I can tell you that much

Maybe I will,
Maybe I'll keep it safe,
Words said together meaning nothing at all
'cause to you, I'm nothing but vowels and capital letters.

 

I felt I was on fire with the things I could have told you.

We were back in the same place,

too many times before we've been here.

Saying the same old things,

expecting a different result.

I wanted him to want me, to really want me.

Not just to say it, to make it happend.

I didn't want to want him anymore,

but I really did want him.

confused, much?

Maybe I am too.

The phone conversations flashed through my mind,

and when he drove all night just to meet me in the morning,

if he loved me why couldn't he just say it?

what was he waiting for?

and somehow my lips ached,

and my hands burned with desire to touch him,

but I couldn't

I shouldn't

He wasn't mine to hold,

and he would forever hold my heart in his hands,

not even wanting it,

not even knowing it.

 

valentine's mood.

you told me 32 ways. to make you smile. i did 31 within the first hour. you stood amazed. in your delighted shoes. bewildered but willing. didn't know what to do. so i grabbed your cold hand. pressed it to my beating heart and said. isn't it neat. how our bodies tick. and we can move our feet. whenever and however we please. you stared blindly while i waited politely. in the doorway by our school. some cars passed and i noticed someone was singing. "us" by regina spektor. you know how i had a crush on her. i know you don't like grey skies. we know our multiplication tables. you got straight a's while i was writing fairytales. and looking out window seals asking why. the sun shine liked my eyes. and kissed my cheek. when it knew i was in love with the moon. and of course with you. well i sped it up. 'cause you don't like slow songs. you're more of the literal kind. yeah you're more like the ocean's waves. you get closer at the end of the day. when you know i can't see your face. when you're sure i'm already lost. love is oh so lovely. but it also comes with a cost.

31 ways to make you smile - Backseat Goodbye

Giving up happiness for happiness

This past week I've been thinking of how much easier things would be if I was ...
common or average, however you want to call it.
I realize I wouldn't feel so lonely if I had choosen not to be an individual and all that crap;
I don't know.
I see people, common people if I may, being easily drawn into each other.
I have a harder time, the hardest, finding someone that likes me for me.
But it was what made me happy,
and you can't regreat something you once wanted, right?
Maybe it's not regreat,
I just wish I didn't feel so lonely,
for things to be easier.

I'm not afraid to die 'cause all the colors will change

10 things you want

1. A new pair of washed - ripped out jeans
2. digital 35mm camera
3. lots of money
4. a new baby bunnie
5. a nicer car
6. boyfriend, haha
7.  new purse
8. I see you everywhere by Julia Glass
9. more fun weekends
10. happiness

9 musicians/bands you love:
Atm:

1. camera obscura
2. the submarines
3. the kinks
4. lykke li
5. los campesinos
6. la roux
7. bloc party
8. santigold

8 things you do everyday:

1. brush my teeth
2. go on facebook
3. text/ring people
4. eat
5. school
6. text / ring sindy
7. drive
8. sleep

7 things you enjoy:

1. food
2. going out
3. photos
4. movies
5. tv
6. friends
7. reading / learning

6 things that will always win your heart:

1. cute boys
2. presents
3. nice books
4. smart people
5. good music
6. cultural activities

5 favourites:

1. Movie: donnie darko, prolly
2. Song: i don’t have a favourite
3. Book: you don't know me at all
4. Food: chop suey
5. Season: fall

4 smells you enjoy:

1. britney spear's curious
2. freshly washed clothes
3. him
4. recently baked food

3 places you want to go:

1. France
2. Japan
3. thailand

2 Favorite Holidays

1. birthday
2. christmas

1 person you’d marry on the spot:

1. Chris Drew

We could make babies and accidental songs.

I haven't written here in a longgg time.

Inspiration hasn't hit me? maybe.

or maybe it's just because lately I'm not able to feel anything,

it's something I aimed for long, now that I have it...

not so sure.

I can't keep people close to me, I push them away.

I hate solitude, yet it's all I know.

And I don't know anything but it.

Now I'll just write anything that comes to mind,

my every thought,

someday it might worth something.