I hate you

Because you gave him everything I want or need
Because he matters more to you than me
Because you made me hate you both
Because I hate myself because of you
Because when I see myself in the mirror all I see is you
Because when I talk to you all you listen is what you want
Because you just won't listen!
Because you just scream,
and the noise is too loud
Because your indifference hurts
Because you make me try
Because he doesn't love you, and I care
Because you just won't care
Because this isn't how I want to remember you when I grow old
Because I don't hate you at all
not even if I try

Letter to God,

I don't know if I ever meant to walk in; but I did
I saw him lying there
pretty scarry scene, I may say
that machine was helping him breathe.
I guess I should have picture that by the way he was standing at the entrance,
and the way he said hello.
And in the hallway, when I huged her, she started crying.
her eyes were red, it made them look green.

I'm scarred,
I've got to admit it.
What should I say?
to him, to you
Would it made any difference if I ask for it nicely?
Please, don't take him away.

What do I expect?
In my whole life I've neer heard one answer from you...
so why now would you?

Sincerely,

Me

I promise I won't be selfish,

so you do whatever you think it's better for him.

 

P.S. I'm sorry I cried, I didin't mean to.

Honesty.

How are you doing today?
I'm not too bad I suppose.

Do you plan on lying?
Not anytime soon. I have nothing good to lie for; I usually don't lie. 

I rather hurt some feelings than being untruthful.

Sex ruins relationships, right?
I wouldn't know.

How many tattoos do you have? And how many do you want?
I actually have none, but I want a craine in my left arm, and later in life a locked heart.

Would you ever give head at school?
Ewwwww.

Has your bf/gf's or ex’s siblings ever walked in on you fooling around?
No.

Name one family member you would give your life for?
Mom.

Do you think it’s a bunch of bull shit when people say “I have no regrets?
No way; I actually live with no regrets. At the time it was exactly what I wanted. So why would I regret anything of it?

Your mom kicks you out, who do you call?
I don't know. I don't think she would ever kick me out, tho.

Have you ever cried in front of your number one?
LOL, nope.

Where do you want to live when you're older?
Canada.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?

Zara.

Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?

Not really. That's sad.

Do you like hugs?
Of course; if I feel comfortable with the person I'm huging.

When was the last time you felt like just disappearing?

I don't remember.

Who's car were you in last?
Sophie's, then mine's.

Does anything on your body itch right now?

Not really.

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?

Never kissed anyone, actually.
LAME

Two days from today, where will you be?
Monday... school.

What was the last thing you thought about before falling asleep last night?
Uhh, same shit as always.

Would you say you're emotionally strong?

Yeh, I like to think so.

How many cigarettes have you smoked today?
None, I don't smoke.

Did you eat breakfast this morning?

Yeh.

Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Its in between really; but I prefer short hair, tho.

Have you ever hugged someone over a minute?
Mhm.

Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?
^.

Do you currently have a hickey?
Nadahh.

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?
^.

Are you ready for kids?
FUCK no.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Mom.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
Sure, why not?

Which is harder, telling someone you love them or that you don't?
Both, I don't actually like showing any feelings.

Have you ever felt like you literally needed someone?
Oh god yeah.

How was last night?
It was alright.

Do you drink every weekend?
I don't drink.

What is your favorite movie?

I have a long list on that.

Do you miss anyone?
A lot.

What are your views on homework?
Blah.

Do you believe you've been stalked on myspace?
Probably. lmao

Do you like who you are?
Somedays.

Are you bitchy?
Definitely.

What do you want to do when your older?

Movie director, or something related to that.

Is there a difference between 'I love you' & 'I'm in love with you'?
Oh yeah.

Do you think your life's hard?

Not really, I think most people (60% of world's population to be exact) have it waaaay harder.

What do you want right now?
Stupid question.

Was your last kiss a regret?
^.

How is your mood right now?

Toughtful.

One night stand or relationship?

Relationship, all the way.

Ever talked about marriage with someone?
Yeah.

Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?
Corny, but falling in love.

Who was the last person to make you smile?
Soph, I think.

Do you like horror or comedy?

Comedy, I guess.

Are you named after anyone?
My mom: Viaccieli.

Does it annoy you when people play dumb?
Oh yeah.

Do you sleep with your door open or closed?
Closed.

Is there that one guy/girl that you'll always have feelings for no matter what?
Of course.

Last night, did you go to sleep smiling?

Not really, just tired.

Are you the youngest person living in your house?

'Sides my bunny, yeah. (If you consider him a person)

If there were no letters on the keys on your keyboard, could you still type?
Definitely.

Do you have a bad temper?
You don't even know. haha

Do you get mad easily?
Oh yeah.

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?

Sure.

Do you think you could last an hour without talking?
Done it.

Have you cuddled with someone you weren't dating?
Well yeah.

If you see a girl with big boobs do you automatically think she's a slut?
Nope.

Who were you with the last time you went to the movies?

Sindy, this afternoon.

Who was the last person to message you on myspace?

Brand New.

Do you own any bra's from aerie?
Nope.

What was the last thing you & your mom talked about?
shit talk.

When did you last talk to your babyboo?
No babyboo for me thanks.

Would you rather date an actor or an athlete?
I don't know, I think maybe an actor would be 'deeper'.

What would you think if your boyfriend/​girlfriend still kept pictures of their ex?
Jealousy, prolly.

Do you believe in forever?
Nothing lasts forever.

Do you & your best friend look anything alike?
Mmm, not really. She's like hispanic.

Is love really worth fighting for?
I haven't figured that out yet.

Think of your first real best friend, are they still there for you?
I still see her, we're cool; just not best friends anymore.

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name starts with P, J, R, M, C or D?
Naahh.

If you were being chased by an alligator, what would you do?
Uhhhhh run?

A place called home...

As usual I left some things for last minute,
I had to deliver to my University some papers that confirmed my graduation and stuff.
I started calling my high school in like jan, maybe?
I don't know. And they said I had to call later in the year.
I didn't called back.
Untill tuesday this week.

I received a mail from my University that I had to deliver those papers before sept. 29th;
TUESDAY NEXT WEEK.
And before I did that, I had to go to so many places and do some stuff to 'validate' them.
I thought I wouldn't have the time to do so.

But this isn't about the things I had to do (which I got to do on time :D; and I'm delivering them to my school tomorrow)
this is about the feelings I got when I finally got to school.
As I was driving in the direction that lead to my school,
I was thinking of my usual bus ride;
I had to wake up too early, and got to school by 6:15 (And classes didn't start 'till 7:30)
I got to wait in class for half an hour, for people to start comming. (:

When I finally got to my high school, today...
I almost cried at the gate, but I kept a hold on myself.
Then I met the principal, who said she loved me and that she had been talking about me in class, :DDD
that made me feel special.
I said goodbye to her,
and kept on my way to administration, in the sister's house.
I walked in and so many memories came to mind.
All the movies we watched there,
and on the Noche Alegre, we spent some time outside, 
and had dinner there.


I got my papers, and on my way out I went to the cafeteria
and bought some pizza (I LOVE THAT PIZZA, it's like the best microwave pizza ever)
which brought me so many memories,
I met some girls with thier uniforms
which actually broke my armor,
and then I cried.


I left, but my heart will forever stay in that place.
I know it will never be the same as it was when I was studing there,
but it I would give anything to have it all again,
to do it all again.


I will never be the same person I was when I was there,
I will never feel at home in any other place.
I might never love a group of people as much as I loved my classmates and teachers.


I miss my home.

X Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. 

I hate the way you drive my car. 

I hate it when you stare. 

I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.

I hate it, I hate the way you're always right.

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. 

I just finished watching that movie; and I almost cried.

I don't know, but really romantic movie bring the gay guy in me

haha

I was thinking about the 10 things I could hate of someone,

but I actually don't hate anyone.

not in a romantic way, anyway.

I think I don't even hate anyone in a non-romantic way.

I guess I just don't usually like people or let them get that close to actually hate them.

Freedome is what you do with what's been done to you.

-Jean paul Sartre.

FAVORITE MOVIES:

American Beauty

Juno

Closer

Donnie Darko

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

V For Vendetta

Rocknrolla

Candy

Elephant

 

Into The Wild

Little Miss Sunshine

 

 Garden State

The Notebook

 

Bubble Boy

 

Amélie

 

Transformers:

 

Forrest Gump

 

Rocket Science

 

Wristcutters: A Love Story

 

Twilight, it's deffintly not one of my favorites motives. In fact it killed every love I had to Edward & Bella.

but anyway;

 

500 Days Of Summer

 

 

I wanna try your way this time.

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows. Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide. And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart...
I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.

-Candy

Walking with a ghost.

Esta es una historia 'romántica' que tuvimos que escribir para Taller de Expresión Escrita

Abrió los ojos, una sonrisa iluminaba su rostro. Le impresionaba como el simple recuerdo de su nombre en su boca podía hacerle sonreír. Se decidió a abrir las cortinas, la luz iluminó su habitación.

Ese día decidió arreglarse más que nunca, lavó su cabello con cuidado extra. Nunca se había sentido así antes, él era perfecto; lo que cualquier podría desear. Volvió a sonreír, se sentía un poco tonta, pero hacía mucho tiempo que una sonrisa no invadía su cara.

Repasó una y otra vez el día anterior en su cabeza. Como había salido de su casa para encontrarlo en el mismo lugar que se habían visto en los últimos 5 años de su vida. El usaba los mismos jeans gastados que ella amaba. El no necesitaba arreglarse mucho para impresionarla, su sonrisa hacía todo el trabajo. Y exactamente eso hizo, sonreír.

Le conocía de toda su vida, pero hasta sus doce años fue cuando se atrevió a hablarle. Lo veía jugar siempre en el mismo parque de la colonia en la que ambos vivían, desde el primer momento en que la había perseguido solamente a ella en un juego de policías y ladrones, le había robado el corazón.

Una vez, un niño le había lanzado una lombriz a la cara; y él inmediatamente lo había perseguido hasta encontrarlo y tirarlo al piso al mismo tiempo que le amenazaba sobre hacerle daño a su amiga. Lágrimas corrían por su tierno rostro de trece años, pero se sentía segura y defendida con él.

Siempre supo que sentía algo especial con él, sentía algo similar a los celos – se decía- cuando él estaba con alguien más. Pero no le importaba mucho, verle sonreír siempre había sido suficiente como para que ella ignorase cualquier otra emoción que no fuese el asombro de la perfección de esa imagen.

Regresó al momento exacto en donde su imagen se reflejaba en el espejo del baño, se veía a sí misma en sus diecisiete años, sonreía otra vez con el simple recuerdo de la existencia de su amado.

¿Era eso realmente?; podría llamarle amor a esa sensación de expansión en su pecho. A esa extraña forma en que una simple mirada podía acelerarle y detenerle el latido del corazón al mismo tiempo. Como se sentía nerviosa y segura cuando estaba a su alrededor. No lo sabía, no conocía la definición de amor, pero fuera la que fuera, se le parecía bastante.

Oyó en ese momento el bip de su celular en su habitación, corrió hacia él. Vio en la pantalla brillante:”Nuevo mensaje de texto” y le dio click a la opción de leer: “Hey, podés salir? Nos vemos donde siempre”. No necesitó leer el nombre del remitente para saber quién era. Se vio una última vez en el espejo antes de salir corriendo al lugar de siempre donde le encontró sentado, el pelo le cubría la cara.

Al oírla acercarse, levantó la cara y sonrío. Una mezcla de gloria y felicidad se reflejaban en su rostro perfecto. Se acercó y se sentó a su lado, el sonrío una vez más; se detuvo su corazón por un latido.

“Tengo que contarte algo… pero no sé como empezar” – dijo su melodiosa voz.
“Contame” – Sintió como su corazón se expandía con la esperanza de oír las palabras que siempre había soñado.
“Em, conocí a una niña. Y creó que estoy enamorado. Creo que a ella también le gusto, pero no sé…” – dijo mientras las palabras se clavaban como un puñal en su corazón – “No sé, estoy tan feliz. Tenía que contarle a alguien y como sos mi mejor amiga, fuiste la primera que apreció en mi mente”

Sentía como el puñal le perforaba los pulmones y hacía que el aire se le escapase, no pudo decir palabra por lo que pareció una eternidad. Pero vio la inquietud en el rostro de su amado, mientras la sangre le subía por las mejillas; se decidió a hablar. Podía sentir como su cerebro trabajaba a toda potencia para conectar los cables y así poder pronunciar una oración coherente.

“Um… ¿En serio? Eso es increíble, me alegro mucho por ti” – dijo, mientras la mentira quemaba su garganta mientras se abría paso en sus labios. Pero contuvo las lágrimas y mantuvo sus sentimientos atrapados detrás de sus labios. Además, tuvo que soportar toda una tarde de confesiones de amor a otra mujer. Cada palabra punzaba una parte esencial de su ser.

Se despidió de él, le abrazó. Este no era un simple abrazo, era una despedida. Había perdido, y estaba dispuesta a dejarle ser feliz. Olió su ropa, su olor preferido en todo el mundo. Una lágrima logró escapar la barrera que había forjado, pero la secó rápidamente para que él no la viera.

El trayecto a su casa fue la caminata de un zombie; no sentía, no pensaba. Negaba toda reacción humana a la emoción que le había consumido toda la tarde. En el momento que evadió a sus padres con una conversación corta y ligera; y pudo obligar a sus piernas a subir las gradas hasta su cuarto y llevarla a su cama, dejó todo salir. Nunca había llorado así, nunca antes había dolido tanto algo. Ni siquiera la vez en que se quebró el brazo derecho le había hecho llorar tanto.

Cuando la luz del sol invadió su cuarto, vio el reloj de su mesa de noche. Los ojos le ardían de tanto llorar, había sido un llanto callado. No quería que nadie supiese. Camino hasta su escritorio y recogió el cuaderno donde confesaba todos sus sentimientos y se decidió a escribir un poema, que más que un poema era una despedida.

El lápiz temblaba en su mano derecha; respiró profundo para poder mantenerla quieta y sacar de su pecho ese dolor que le quemaba.

Te extraño,
Extrañaré el sonido de tu voz en mis oídos
Extrañaré como tu sonrisa iluminaba mis días, mi mundo.
Extrañaré como me haces sentir,
Nadie nunca me había hecho sentir como tú.
Me siento completa,
Me siento feliz a un punto que me asusta
Siento tantas cosas que es difícil de explicar,
Inclusive me hace balbucear.

Te extraño,
Extrañaré quién eres,
Extrañaré todo lo que dices
Todo lo que tú haces y dices me hace reír
Extrañaré la forma en que me miras
Siempre me pierdo en tus ojos.

Extraño a nosotros
Extraño abrazarte
Extraño actuar como tonta contigo,
Extraño escuchar música contigo, sin importar si te gusta o no.
Sin importar si me gusta o no.
Extraño la textura de tu mano,
Y tu olor.

Extrañaré que me acompañes a mi casa,
Extrañaré ver televisión por teléfono contigo,
Extrañaré estar contigo,
Extrañaré nuestro lugar,
Extrañaré el sonido de tu risa,
Y como podía detectar el sonido de tu sonrisa por teléfono.
Te extraño,
Te extrañaré y siempre lo haré.

Una lágrima manchó su hoja. No sabía si llamarle poema, o simplemente un epitafio de todo lo que había sido. Sabía que debía dejarle ir. No solo por su bien propio, sino por el de él. No podía permitirse arruinarle algo que le hacía feliz.

Y así el sueño le venció, decidió dormir con la esperanza de que no doliese tanto cuando despertase. Deseó nunca más despertar; pero nunca en su vida había sucedido algo que ella desease, no importara cuanto lo hiciera.

My Last Letter

I miss you,
I miss the sound of your voice in my ears,
i miss the way you shake in my arms when you laugh,
i miss the way your smile just brightens up my day

my world
i miss the way you make me feel ,
no one could ever make me feel the way you do

i feel complete
i feel so happy and yet almost scared

i feel excited and overwhelmed
i feel so many things that its hard to describe

sometimes it makes me fumble over my words
i miss the way you are
i miss everything you say

everything you do makes me smile and laugh
i miss the way you look at me
i just kinda lose myself in your eyes; 

their so beautiful
i miss us
i miss holding you in my arms

i miss being stupid with you

i miss listening to music with you whether i like it or not whether you like it or not
i miss holding your hands
i miss going on walks
i miss watching tv over the phone together
I miss the feeling of your lips on mine
i miss slow dancing with you
i miss walking you home
i miss holding your hand untill you fell asleep
i miss being with you
i miss you

Heroes Of Heartache

Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.

-Robert Frost


I don't know how or why whenever I'm driving this inspiration hits me,
thoughts flash faster than my car's speed 
and come and go faster than green lights turns to red.

I'm only writting this because I'm a 100% sure that no one would ever read this, but me.
So today I hung out with my friend Pocket,
she's pretty cool; but she told me one thing that I've heard too many times before:
she told me I'm just too lucky I've never cared/loved anyone because that keeps me from getting hurt.
but it keeps me from feeling anything,
I guess I'm just too well fucked up,
I can't let myself feel anything for anyone
because I'm just too scare to get hurt;
I'm just...
I don't know what I am.

It's kinda scarry to know I'm turning 19 next month,
and I have never in my life kissed anyone,
held a hand with a boy that I like or done anything normal teenagers do.
I guess it never felt wrong to not like anyone,
but I guess it is starting to feel very wrong.




whatever,
jsut letting it out of my chest.

 

Abschied

It's one of those things you thought were over,
you know?
that your life had changed completely to a point where it can not be the same again,
but then you find yourself being the same person you were,
doing the same things you did.
But it's not bad, it's great.
You're happy with the things you used to do.
It's like breathing, you don't even need a reminder to do it.
It's like you thought it wasn't a part of you anymore,
but it's still there.
You're different but somehow the same,
No, better.

My life according to Brand New

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 10 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)"


Are you a male or female:
Failure by Design

Describe Yourself:
The boy girl who blocked his own shot

How Do You feel:
You won't know

If You Could Go Anywhere, Where Would You Go:
Welcome to Bangkok

Your Best Friend is :
Jude Law and a semester abroad

You And Your Best Friends Are:
Fork and knife

What's The Weather today?
Sowing season

If your life was a tv show, what would it be called?
The quiet things that no one ever knows.


What Is Life To you:
Not the sun.

Your Relationship:
Soco Amaretto Lime

Your Fear:
Jaws Theme Swimming

What Is The Best Advice You Have To Give:
Good to know that if I ever need atention all I have to do is die.

Thought For The Day:
The no seatbelt song.

My Motto:
Okay I believe you, but my tommy gun don't.