hxc

1. Had a threesome.
2. Been drunk.
3. Touched a real gun.
4. Done drugs.
5. Wrote on a bathroom stall.
6. Took “naughty” pictures of myself.
7. Had sex.
8. Got into a fist fight.
9. Used Twitter.
10. Listened to Lady Gaga
11. Been in a car accident.
12. Gotten suspended.
13. Gotten expelled.
14. Got a computer virus.
15. Had a hand-written diary.
16. Been allergic to something.
17. Had a dog.
18. Had a cat.
19. Been pregnant.
20. Had a pregnancy scare.
21. Had unprotected sex.
22. Camped out.
23. Swam in the Ocean
24.Wore a bikini.
25. Meet someone online in person.
26. Made a survey.
27. Used ICQ.
28. Failed a class for the year.
29. Repeated a grade.
30. Went to summer school.
31. Got the high honor roll.
32. Got the regular honor roll (A’s and B’s).
33. Learned to speak another language fluently.
34. Read an entire book.35. Recorded my own music.

36. Had an xBox.
37. Listened to Rammstein.
38. Wore fishnets.
39. Bought skinny jeans.
40. Been in love.
41. Hated someone.
42. Been cheated on.
43. Cheated on someone.
45. Did something sexual with someone of the same sex.
46. Practiced Christianity.

47. Worn makeup.
48. Had a cavity.
49. Had surgery.
50. Had my license.
51. Been to college. 
52. Graduated high school. 
53. Attempted suicide.
54. Worn colored contacts.
55. Painted my nails black.
56. Broken someone’s heart.
57. Had my heart broken.
58. Cried for an hour straight.
59. Lost something very valuable.
60. Had sex in a car.
61. Got separated from my parents as a kid.
62. Broken a bone.
63. Gotten stung by a bee.
64. Eaten something bad/expired.
65. Threw up from being so drunk.
66. Had to put a pet to sleep.
67. Participated in a swinger’s party.
68. Owned an iPod.
69. Owned an iPhone.
70. Fell for a best friend.
71. Stole a friend’s significant other.
72. Got a computer virus.
73. Went away from home for more than a week.74. Moved out.
75. Ran away/walked out
76. Teased my brother/sister.
77. Gotten into a fist fight. -sort of
78. Been to the hospital.79. Had food poisoning.80. Had a job.81. Been fired
82. Lied to a friend.83. Lied to a family member.84. Lied to a significant other.
85. Posted a video on YouTube.
86. Started a rumor about someone.
87. Deliberately failed a test.
88. Dropped out of school.
89. Gotten my “private parts” pierced.
90. Been skinny dipping.
91. Counted to a million.
92. Counted to a thousand.
93. Ate deer meat.
94. Ate duck meat.
95. Had fast food.96. Been to church.97. Been to a synagogue.
98. Been married.
99. Had a divorce.
100. Broken a window.

I don't just want your heart. I want your flesh, your skin and blood and bones, your voice, your thoughts, your pulse and most of all your fingerprints everywhere"

The meaning of life is that it stops

“Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts."

"I want to be out of the labels. I don't want my whole life crammed into a single word. A story. I want to find something else, unknowable, some place to be that's not on the map.
...A real adventure. A sphinx. A mystery. A blank. Unknown. Undefined."

his pledge to her:

 
i will kill the spiders. i will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. i won’t ever pop my collar.  i will never be rude to your tummy- when i hear it growl and gurgle, i promise to bend down and reply respectfully. i will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. i will kiss the papercuts. and the door-slammed finger. and the counter-bumped hip. i’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. i will be the big spoon. i will let you win at wrestling. sometimes. other times i will not. i will go faster. harder. i will pull when you want. and tease you when you don’t. i will send you random texts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever i want to. whenever i think you need one. or seven. i will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in. i will hold your hand. i will love you. i will love you. i will love you.

Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we're quoting

- John Green

my mum just said to me, she doesn't care about what happens to me,

I was talking to her about how lonely I felt and this boy, and just stuff about my life.

She just said, "I don't care"

and the words cut deeper than any dagger ever could,

if she doesn't care about me, who will?

she's supposed to love me, and understand me, and to try to make things better for me.

if my own mother doesn't care, who will?

I feel much more alone than before.

"I do want someone, need someone, you’re right…and when I’m with you, I feel like I’m a better person. I feel happier, less alone, less lonely. But it’s not as simple as that is it? Being with someone?"

 

I'm sorry it takes me so long to write back, or that I don't write back at all.

My life is confusing.

often I wake up as someone different than I was the day before and it makes it hard to keep track of my thoughts and feelings.

I get scared of what to say because I never know who is talking and I want ten different things in ten different ways, and nothing sticks.

I don't know what to tell you.

I'm a coward.

Nothing I could say will change anything. 

If you want to hear what I have to say, you'll just have to get close enough to hear my voice as I tell some truths and some lies, as I try to be something pretty, something good, something pure. 

in this cahos we find safety.

Ever heard of chaos theory? It’s a science, tries to determine underlying patterns in chaotic systems like weather, ocean currents, blood flow sort of things. But it turns out that are few things more chaotic than the beat of a human heart. Its beating up, slowing down. Pretty face, flirty stares. It’s always changing on what’s happening to ourselves out there. It’s an erratic son of a bitch. But underneath all of that bump-da-bump mess, there is in fact a pattern, the truth, and it’s love. Most important thing about love is that we choose to give it, and we choose to receive it. Making it the least random act in the entire universe. It transcends blood, it transcends betrayal and all the dirt and makes us human.