got bruises on my knees for you.

Yesterday i came home really late, and didn't feel like going to school in the morning,

not that I had any class or anything, just that I could have helped some friends with a project, to which I felt I had already done too much.

I woke up around 7 today 'cause I needed to go to the bathroom and then I forced myself to sleep again, after watching some tv and reading a few chapters of Jodi Picoult's book The Pact. 

I woke up again around 10 and showered, got all dressed and stuff. Since I had nothing left to do, I went back to sleep around one in the afternoon, I forced myself to sleep, and woke up around 6:30 ish, it was al ready dark.

I felt sick, I don't know why. I felt lonely again, I hate feeling that way.

I guess I'm used to blocking away my feelings with crowded rooms filled with noises, laughter and so called friends to fill the empty spaces of solitude. but being asleep and alone, that gives you the time to really think things through,

and when the phone doesn't ring, I don't know how it manage to do that, but it hurts you, deep inside.

and when no body cares, you feel alone. I do.

And now the screen is sort of blurry, and I don't know what else to type about,

because the blocking-things becomes a habbit, and habits are hard to break.

 

would you teach me how to feel?

Today for the first time in the past year,

my heart didn't pond against my chest like a hummingbirds'

and I starred at you,

but you didn't look back.

I saw you walking out, and I felt like walking up to you

and saying something,

but my legs froze,

and my brain couldn't think of anything smart to say,

so I just watched you walk right in front of me with your camera in your neck.

And I only write this because I know you're never going to read it.

I guess that means I like you or something.

Vámonos patria a caminar

Vámonos patria a caminar, yo te acompaño
Yo bajare los abismos que me digas.
Yo beberé tus cálices amargos.
Yo me quedare ciego para que tengas ojos.
Yo me quedare sin voz para que tu cantes.
Yo he de morir para que tu no mueras,
para que emerja tu rostro flameando al horizonte
de cada flor que nazca de mis huesos.

Tiene que ser así, indiscutiblemente.
Ya me canse de llevar tus lagrimas conmigo.
Ahora quiero caminar contigo, relampagueante.
Acompañante en tu jornada, porque soy un hombre
del pueblo, nacido en octubre para la faz del mundo.
Ay, patria.
A los coroneles que orinan tus muros
tenemos que arrancarlos de raíces,
colgarlos de un árbol de rocío agudo,
violento de cóleras de pueblo.
Por ello pido que caminemos juntos. Siempre
con los campesinos agrarios
y los obreros sindicales,
con el que tenga un corazón para quererte.

Vámonos patria a caminar, yo te acompaño.

OTTO RENÉ CASTILLO.

Making a choice...

I'm in my sophomore year of college, comunication studies it is,

when I was in my senior year my parrents didn't want me to pursue my dream, not that they didn't want me to be happy, but they wanted me to have an stable future.

I couldn't find an schollarship to study in Canada or US (where I wanted to go) for film school.

After that I started looking for something to please me between my meads, I thought of graphic design, but my parrents talked me out of it to go to law school, which made me unhappy, I cried and I transferred to comunication studies after seeing a flyer of the school of some kids with a bunch of cameras, and after reading it, I found it suit me perfectly, it had photography curses, visual discurses (my favorite tbh), radio (that was okay, I guess) and philosophy, psicology and other things that interested me.

Well, this isn't just about how choosing what makes me happy is actually working for my advantage, I'm having fun, knowing a whole bunch of cool people, and doing things that I actually care for.

In the next couple of weeks I'm shooting my first short film, well, it's actually a group thing, but I wrote the script and I'm kind of directing it. For which I am extremelly excited, I would probably spend my whole weekend on it, and won't have time to do anything but it. 

And here is where making a choice comes in...

On the weekend of the 25th, a group of peole who helps poor people building homes for themselves is going to a community for the whole weekend, and I was planning on going, you know, for not just complaining but actually making something about it, but since my shoot is on the same date, I don't know what to do.

I could make my crew shoot some other time, but it might interrupt every day on the calendar and make it a whole lot worst for all of us,

or I could go building houses some other time...

what to dooo?

gahhh

cherry bomb

I want to change things
I want to make things better,
not just for me and my loved one,
but for everyone,
even the people I don't like very much.

The pouring rain woke me up,

and I realized I was five and sitting in my rooftop

and the superman cape would not make me fly.