I WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO KISS YOU.

#but that's a secret.

arenita

You get a text at 4AM saying “come outside.” What do you do?
it actually depends on who the text is fromWhen was the last time you were scared?
hum, I don't remember
Have you changed at all in the past three months?
i guess so?
Is anyone mad at you right now?
I don't know
Plans for tomorrow?
family is comming over for me & my brother's birthday
Are you a heavy sleeper?
oh yes
Do you like the town you are living in?
sure
Someone says to you now, ‘lets go to a party and get drunk!’ you say?
I'd ask a lot of details and prolly go
Have you smoked a cigarette today?
I don't smoke
So what do you want for christmas?
xmas is months away, I don't even want to think
How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
Um, prolly like 7

 Have you ever kissed anyone with a tongue ring?
nope :)
Can you cross your eyes? 
yupppp
Have you ever sent a text to the wrong person?
oh yeah, it sucks
Have you ever tripped over a parking thingy?
erm not that i can think of?
What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today?
I hung out with some old high school friends
Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?
yes, i doooo!
Are you a morning person or a night person?
nighttt
Is it bad to be a forgiving person?
It depends, I guess
How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
I don't drink
Last thing to truly upset you?
this conversation about this kid I have a thing for
Do you swallow gum when you’re done with it?
ew, nope. It stays in your tummy for at least 7 days!
Last person to upset you?
no one really

Day 30

One last moment

Well yeah, this is the moment that has been going through my head since last friday (gosh, a week)

I've even asked other boys what it means, and yeah I'm hoplessly inlove with it.

I went to your party, and you kissed my forehead.

that! there I said it :D

Someday I'm going to regreat this, won't I?

yupp.

—-your boy side—-
you love hoodies.
you love jeans.
dogs are better than cats.
it’s hilarious when people get hurt.
shopping is torture.
sad movies suck.
you own a car racing game.
you played with hot wheels cars as a kid.
at some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
you used to be obsessed with power rangers.
you have watched sports on tv.
gory movies are cool.
you go to your dad for advice.
you own like a trillion baseball caps.
you used to collect hockey cards.
baggy sweats are cool to wear.
it’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors or all.
you love to go crazy and not care what people think.
sports are fun.
you talk with food in your mouth.
you sleep with your socks on at night.
you have fished at least once.

—-your girl side—-
you love to shop.
you wear eyeliner.
you wear the color pink.
you go to your mom to talk.
you consider cheerleading a sport.
you hate wearing the color black.
you like going to the mall.
you like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
you like wearing jewelry.
you cried watching the notebook.
skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
you don’t like the movie star wars.
you are/were in gymnastics.
it takes you at least one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
you smile a lot more than you should.
you have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
you care about what you look like.
you like wearing dresses when you can.
you like wearing high heel shoes.
you used to play with dolls as little kid.
you like putting make-up on others.
you like being the star of everything.
pink is one of your favorite colors.

—appearance—
i am shorter than 5’2
i have a scar
i tan/burn easily
i wish my hair was a different color.
i have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
i have a tattoo.
i am self-conscious about my appearance.
i’ve had/have braces. 
i’ve been told i’m attractive by a complete stranger.
i have more than two piercings.
i have / had piercings in places besides my ears.

—embarrassment—
i’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
disney movies still make me cry.
i’ve laughed so hard i’ve cried.
i’ve glued my hand to something.
i’ve laughed ’til some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
i’ve had my pants rip in public.

—health—
i’ve gotten stitches.
i’ve had my appendix removed.
i’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
i’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
i’ve had serious surgery.
i’ve had chicken pox.

—experiences—
i’ve gotten lost in my city.
i’ve seen a shooting star.
i’ve wished on a shooting star.
i’ve seen a meteor shower.
i’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
i’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
i’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
i’ve been to a casino.
i’ve been skydiving.
i’ve gone skinny-dipping.
i’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
i’ve crashed/rolled a car .
i’ve been skiing.
i’ve been in a musical.
i’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue.
i’ve seen the northern lights.
i’ve sat on a rooftop at night.
i’ve played a prank on someone.
i’ve ridden in a taxi.
i’ve seen the rocky horror picture show.
i’ve eaten sushi.
i’ve been snowboarding.

—relationships—
i’m single.
i’m in a relationship.
i’m engaged.
i’m married.
i miss someone right now.
i’ve gotten divorced.
i’ve told someone i loved them when i didn’t.
i’ve told someone i didn’t love them when i did.

—honesty / crime—
i’ve done something i promised someone else i wouldn’t.
i’ve done something i promised myself i wouldn’t.
i’ve snuck out.
i’ve lied to my parents about where i am.
i’ve cheated while playing a game.
i’ve ran a red light
i’ve been in a fist fight.
i’ve been arrested.

—death and suicide—
i’m afraid of dying.
i hate funerals.
i’ve seen someone / something dying.
someone close to me has attempted / committed suicide.
you have planned your own suicide.
i’ve written a eulogy for myself.

—materialism—
i own over 5 rap cd’s.
i have an unhealthy obsession with anime / manga.
i own designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
i own something from pac sun.
i own something from the gap.
i own something i got on e-bay.
i own something from abercrombie.

—random—
i can sing well.
stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
open up to others easily.
i watch the news.
i don’t kill bugs.
i sing in the shower.
i am a morning person.
i paid for my cell phone ring tone.
i am a sports fanatic.
i twirl my hair.
i care about grammar.
i have “?”’s in my screen name.
i love spam.
i’ve copied more than 30 cd’s in a day.
i bake well.
my favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange.
i would wear pajamas to school.
i like martha stewart.
i know how to shoot a gun.
i am guilty of typing LiKe tHiS.
i laugh at my own jokes.
i eat fast food weekly.
i’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
i can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
i am really ticklish.
i like white chocolate.
i bite my nails.
i’m good at remembering faces.
i’m good at remembering names.
i’m good at remembering dates.
i honestly have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.

Day 29

 Your aspirations

I don't think having any kind of expectations is okay, because it leads to hoping, which always ends with a broken heart.

But I'd like to make an indie movie that will show up in the sundance.

I'd like to fall in love, and live happily ever after.

Think how many people have sat next to you on a bus, train, whatever. Now think how many people have sat next to you on purpose, with their fingers crossed in hope that you’ll talk to them. I’m sure somebody has. There’s plenty of times when somebody’s seen you and hoped that you spoke to them, but you never did, ‘cause you don’t have the guts, and neither do they. Don’t go around thinking nobody likes you and that you’re not loved, there’s been plenty of times when a stranger’s spotted you and thought “oh they’re just my type,” but haven’t had the courage or confidence to open their mouth and initiate a conversation, the funny thing is, neither have you.

 

-Anonymous

coin.x

“ When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you, but because, in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for. ”

Day 28

Something that you miss

Oh God, I miss a whole bunch of things, but I'll start with this:
I miss high school at times, I miss moments with my classmates and gossip with my bffs. 
I miss being young and feeling like I had everything ahead of me.
I miss hesitating about my future, not even knowing what to do with my college stuff.
I miss having friends and talking to strangers without thinking too much of the consequences.
I miss feeling invicible, and that nothing bad could happen, "those things happen to other people, not me" kinda way
I miss liking people, I miss my youth and the parts of it that I missed out on.

I think I like you in a 'I wanna be alone in a dark place with you' kinda way 

secret.

I know I haven't post much of me lately, I mean, not things that I've written, but lately I just don't know what to write anymore. I am scarred of my thoughts and my feelings ashame me.

Lately, really loud hardcore music is the only thing that can keep my thoughts from catching up to me, that can tune the world out, and keep my feelings shut.

But I think I'm a bit better now, and I'm not in love with the world, but I'm at peace with it.

And that's okay, for now.

-------------------------------------------- 

Here are some thought that been running around my head for the past few days, I've been thinking of sweet things the perfect boy could do :)

it's okay to dream, right?

Well here is the list:

-he'd show up out of nowhere at random places at randome times just to see me 

-he'd call me at 3am just to ask what I'm doing

-Would burn me mix cds with music he's currently into

-would call just to say "hey, I miss you" and hung up

-would kiss my forehead for no aparent reason

-would play/sing songs to me :)

-would send random texts with random things, ha

-would come over just to watch movies

-would look for french movies to watch with me

-we'd stay in bed all day

-would hug me when I'm cold

I don't know, that's it for now... I guess

Day 26 - 27

Your fears

To be vulnerable to someone. And I can sum it up in this quote:

"I found it hard to be in love. Thats only because i didn’t want to fall in love. I refused to lower my walls down. I was too afraid of getting hurt. Once you open yourself up to someone, there’s a chance things won’t go the way you intended, and you will be left broken. I wasn’t ready to feel empty, not just yet."

 Your favorite place

I don't think it's a physicall place, maybe it's just some space in my mind. 
I think I could be happy anywhere with the right person :)

If I were.

If I were a month, I’d be October
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Thursday
If I were a time of day, I’d be 3 am
If I were a planet, I’d be Saturn
If I were a sea creature, I’d be a White Bengala Tiger
If I were a direction, I’d be Southeast
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a Bed
If I were a historical figure, I’d be somoene people don't know about
If I were a liquid, I’d be Raspberry tea
If I were a gemstone, I’d be an Idgaf
If I were a tree, I’d be a leafless one
If I were a tool, I’d be a hammer
If I were a flower, I’d be a one of those that looks like cocks, lol
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be Autumn
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a bass guitar
If I were a color, I’d be grey
If I were an emotion, I’d be sorrow
If I were a fruit, I’d be a banana.
If I were a sound, I’d be the sound of silence
If I were an element, I’d be Fire
If I were a car, I’d be a jeep
If I were a food, I’d be chocolate cake
If I were a place, I’d be Anywhere but here
If I were a material, I’d be knitted sweater
If I were a taste, I’d be Bittersweet
If I were a scent, I’d be Vanilla
If I were an object, I’d be a Notebook
If I were a body part, I’d be the hands
If I were a facial expression, I’d be a Smirk.
If I were a song, I’d be any Brand New song
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be tennis shoes

survey.

This is going to be majorly personal, you ready?  

indeed

Promise to take this without deleting any questions?

promise

Are you happier now than you were five months ago? 

I think I'm the same, not much have changed within 5 months.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with anyone? 

yes, tons of friends.

How many people do you trust with everything? 

I guess I trust people in a certain amount, but with everything? I don't think anyone fits the description properly. I could say my mom, but she judges certain things, "what is best for me", but in some way that keeps me from letting her in completely. I wanna learn and make mistakes on my own.

What was the last thing you drank?

Icea Tea

Is there anyone you want to come see you?

Aww yes! I'd love it if he'd come, but I don't think he even knows where I live.

A text would do, tho.

Name one thing you love about winter? 

being able to stay in bed and drink hot tea

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? 

having lots of hw to do.

What’s the first thing you did when you opened your eyes today?

grind in pain, I woke up thanks to my gastritis, yay!

Do you believe you can be friends with your ex? 

I guess it can be a bit awkward. I've never been with anyone, but the people I sort of 'hanged out with', I'm not friends with them.

Have you ever kissed the last person you sent a text message to? 

naah

Is there anybody that you wish you could fix things with?

not atm

Could you go out in public, looking like you do now?

I could, I probably wouldn't want to, tho

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

not anymore, he sort of ruined things between us

Are you good at hiding your feelings?

I try to

Are you listening to music right now? 

nope, tv is on.

Who was the last person you talked to on facebook chat?

Juanka

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? 

everyone has

Have you laughed today? 

a little

Would you rather not eat or not sleep? 

not eat

What do you normally drink in the morning?

hot tea

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? 

depends on the person mainly, but not really. As long as you're not horny or anything like that, lol

Do you believe that all boys are the same?

of course not, everyones there own individual person

Did you drink any alcohol this week? 

nope

Do you like to cuddle?

when i need it

Would you ever try being a vegetarian?

no, i love meat.

Do you like your bed? 

yep, it's sort of new

Are you busy tomorrow? 

I got school

If YOU (not your parents) won a million dollars, what would be your first thought?

travel through europe like ASAP!

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? 

Claudio :)

Is it cute when guys/girl kiss you on your forehead? 

:O (this is freaking weird) but yeah, it's extremely cute. I spent my whole weekend wondering what does it means when a guy does that... lol

Would you prefer a small, intimate wedding proposal, or a big-scale, over-the-top proposal?D

small and intimate. I'd like for him to get ink or something, lol

 

What’s bothering you right now?

that I want to see you...

What were you doing at 12 am last night?

getting back home

 

You kissed someone today, didn’t you? 

nah, but surely thought about it

Do you have any plans for the weekend?

nope, it's sunday

Who is the first person you texted this morning?

I think it was Sindy

Is it more common for you to follow your heart or your mind? 

my mind always wins, but lately I'm trying to do what my heart wants

When was the last time you gave your number to someone? 

a couple of weeks ago

Have you ever wanted to tell someone something, but didn’t?

of course

What’s something you really want right now? 

him, sort of

Are you a mean person? 

at times, some people think i’m really mean, but i don’t think i’m that bad

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? 

if i did, i wouldn’t be speaking to them.

What’s your wallpaper on your phone? 

Oliver Sykes

What do you hear right now?

My life as Liz is on, so bye!

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

apparently

Day 24 - 25

Something that makes you cry

Pretty much, any kind of sad movie. I cry over stupid feelings and stuff :)

but yeah, here's a list of movies I've cried over:

A walk to remember, when Jamie dies and that guy is left alone :'(

My sister's keeper, I started crying like 15 seconds into the movie, lol

Lion King, when Mufasa died

pretty much, anything that makes me sad.

A first.

Well, I don't know what a first could be. My first piercing (that I remember of) I got it done in my living room when I was 13.

My first neck tattoo I got it done this past july, was a whole new experience, a lovely one.

Day 23

Something that makes you feel better

Hum, pretty much any kind of gesture of love, morning texts, midnight calls, hugs, things that make me feel a bit special or something :) 

 

you eat, you’re fat. you don’t eat, you’re a freak. you drink, you’re an alcoholic. you don’t drink, you’re a pussy. you read, you’re a nerd. you don’t read, you’re stupid. you tell a secret, you’re an attention seeker. you don’t tell a secret, you’re still attention seeking. you let someone in, you’re easy. you don’t let someone in, you’re too uptight. you smoke, you think you’re cool. you don’t smoke, you’re a loser. you’ve had sex, you’re a slut. you haven’t had sex, you’re a frigid little bitch. you wear make up, you’re a slag. you don’t wear make up, you’re ugly. you can’t please anyone. ever.

Sometimes we're just broken, even if we don't know why.x

Day 22

Something that upsets you

Currently, everything upsets me.

I can't stand myself lately, I just can't deal with anything anymore, the only way I can stand living and stuff is listening to freaking loud music just to tune out the rest of the world. That upsets me. 

"I have an addictive and obsessive personality. That is, if I like "like" something, I don't just like it. I immerse myself in it so deep that I get sick of it. Because I'm also afraid of commitment and abandonment. The sooner I get over it, the less likely it is I can lose it, leave it - the less likely it can hurt me."

My dearest, 

I've missed you very, very much since that last night we were together. And I'll hold that night especially in my memories for years to come. I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately. I've read your letter through at least four times, and will probably read it more times before I'm through. I've been sitting here, looking at your picture, and getting more homesick every minute. I've wanted that picture more than anything else I know of, except of course, you yourself. I keep thinking of you darling. I keep wishing I could be home with you. I want to leave in the worst possible way so I can come home to see you, but, things don't look so good on that subject. And this war has spoiled a lot of things for everyone I guess. I've never been so lonesome in my life as I am right now. I'm completely lost with out you darling. I never realized I could miss any one person so much. I just hope it won't be too much longer until I am able to be with you again, and live a sane and normal life.

-Violence, Blink 182

Meet me in Montauk

Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it's the only person who will ever receive all of you. after that, you learn better. But, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved - a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence, the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship, and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you'll never forget, and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be, everything that was proven wrong.

- anonymous

We all carry these things inside that no one else can see. They hold us down like anchors, they drown us at see.

Bring Me The Horizon.

you should see the things I do to you in my dreams.x

Day 20 - 21

This month

 It's October, and it's my birthday on the 27th, which I'm hoping not to come, seems so dull to be 20. Gaah.

But it's been kinda fun because I've been going out must weekends with my friends Sindy, Mike & Marlen.

Another moment

There hasn't been any special moments yet, or anything like that.

“Sex is a part of love. You shouldn’t go around doing it unless you are in love.”

—

Bettie Page (1923-2008)

Day 19

 Something you regret

I try to live  with no regrets, because at the time it was exactly what I wanted, right?

but I guess if  I was to change something about my past, I wish I would have done more things I wanted.

What is love to you?

I've never been in love, so I am answering this one in just basic concepts of love towars people, not just romantic.
I think love is extremely powerful feeling, is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions, even when you're mad or angry, you still have feelings for that person, and you're willing to make almost anything to make that persona happy (:

knock yourself out, x

Day 18

Your favorite birthday

I am not a real big fan of birthdays to be honest, when I turned 10 I cried all morning because I knew that I was never going to be one digit age, I cried when I turned 18 because I was going to be legally and adult, and this year I'm turning 20 and I'm scarred shitless about it.

But every birthday is good as long I get to spend it with my friends and family, and the last time I recall having a big group of friends over was when I turned 15 and I was going away for a few months to travel. I guess that was a good birthday, lots of friends and the thought of soon be going away, plus my brother's graduation was pretty close to that.

Day 17

Your favorite memory

I can not think of any at the moment, and I always tell the same stories over and over again.
Hum, yeah, can't think of any, maybe later.

Day 16

Your first kiss

this is sort of sad, but I've never actually kiss a guy, and I'm turning twenty this month. lol!

well, it's not that I haven't had any chances to do it, but it's just that I have high expectations on what a kiss should be, and I believe in kissing people only that you really like. 

The closest thing to that has been a 'true or dare' game in which a friend had sort of kiss me in half the lips, I guess.

I want to fall in love

 

Take a step back. Fucking look at yourself. You are human. You are beautiful. You are so beautiful. And you can be anything. You can be everything. Do not hate everyone because someone broke your heart, or because your parents split up, or your best friend betrayed you, your father hit you, the kid down the streeth called you fat, ugly, stupid, worthless. Do not concern yourself with things you cannot control. Cry when you need to then let go when it's time. Don't hang onto painful memories just because you're afraid to forget. Let go of things that are in the past. Forget things that aren't worth remembering. Live for yourself. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Do this over and over until you know what it really is to love someone. Question things. Tell people how you feel. Sleep under the stars. Create. imagine. Inspire. Share something wonderful. Meet new people. Make someone's day. Follow your dreams. Live your life to it's full potential. Just live, dammit. let go of all the horrible things in your life and fucking live. And one day, when you're old, look back with no regrets.

 

--Unknown

Day 14 - 15

What you wore today:

I wore my current favorite sweater, that is purple with grey stripes, my light blue jeans and white keds (:

Your dreams:

Well, I don't really have many big dreams, I believe expectations only lead to disapoinment. I'll tell you about my last dream I had while sleeping, lol.

I was dead or something like that, and I had to help some sort of ghosts into realizing they were dead only to find out in the end I was dead too. Weird, huh?

Day 13

This week

Well, it's only Wednesday and I can only tell you everything since monday,

and I've been going to school everyday, hung with my friends, drove for hours, saw this guy I have a crush on (which is always good) and yeah, that's pretty much it.

Day 11 - 12

Day 11 – Your siblings

I only have one older brother, he's three years and three days older than me, when we were younger we got along pretty well, we played together and we had lots of fun, as we grew older we grew apart and um, we don't talk much, pretty much nothing at all. I miss him, sort of. 

Day 12 – What’s in your bag

I don't really have a bag aside from the bag I take to school, and inside there is my agenda, my notebook, my pencilcase, my sunglasses and um, my iPod, crayola crayons (they're awesome), and um, yeah I don't know (:

I need something to happen. I just need a sign. I need a reason to go on. - Meredith Grey 

For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can’t get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can’t cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don’t want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it’s everything. - Grey’s Anatomy 

We don’t say “when” because there’s something about the possibility, of more. More tequila, more love. More anything. More is better. - Meredith Grey 

Before you go into battle, you better decide how much you’re willing to lose. - Meredith Grey

"Skins" (Ep: Chris)

* Cassie: Do you know what hurts most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before. Try and keep that feeling, because if it goes... you'll never get it back.
* Chris: What happens then?
* Cassie: You lay waste to the world, and everything in it.

i think closure’s overrated.

...i’m more of a fan of open-ended, unrequited love."

- seth cohen

"I have an addictive and obsessive personality. That is, if I like “like” something, I don’t just like it. I immerse myself in it so deep that I get sick of it. Because I’m also afraid of commitment and abandonment. The sooner I get over it, the less likely it is I can lose it, leave it - the less likely it can hurt me."

-Unknown

do not touch

we crave protection.

we crave boundaries.

we crave doors.

we crave mistakes.

kill.kill.kill.

I scrutinize and overanalize every single detail about me, 

about you, about this us that isn't even real, only in my head

and the endless possibilities.

Somedays I hate you, other I miss this thing we never were.

And I am not even remotly close to love you, yet I'm willing to wait and see.

Day 10

What you wore today

Well, it's actually around 10 am, and I'm wearing pjs. So I'll tell you about what I wore yesterday:

I was wearing dark blue skinny jeans, grey and purple stripped 'rome' sweater over white tank top, and my brand new black shoes (forgot how they're called)

remember to breathe.

I don't understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you0d do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said you couldn't live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it just hurts the same. How the poeple who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase your from their lives just because it's easier than working things out.

Day 09

Your beliefs

I was born into an old fashionated roman christian catholic family. I also was during my preeschool, elementary and high school in an all girl's catholic school, but it isn't the conventional school, it was pretty eye openning, and it was during highschool that I started reading, cuestioning, discovering new phylosophies that helped me to get to my own one. Both my family and school taught me to read but to understand.

I am highly influetated by general existentialism, nihilism, Frederick Nietzche and Jean Paul Sartre's phylosophy, both hindy budhism and general christianity. Chuck Palahniuk and Jesse Lacey from Brand New (lol).

Which leads me to say that I'm an agnostic, I admit in the possibily of God I just don't think it's rational for there to be one.